3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
