Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
