Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
