the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
