how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
