He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
