Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
