Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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