There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Quick, to the slutcave!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
