new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
