Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
