I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
