Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
