just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
