I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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