no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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