the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
