Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
