Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
