At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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