oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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