Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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