you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
