dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm passing your future prison.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
