this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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