The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
