So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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