i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
