i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
