oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
