here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
