She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
