So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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