He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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