Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
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I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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