I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
