So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
