Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
