plz talk dirty to me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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