Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
