if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
