Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
