He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
