Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
