my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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