I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
