My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
