So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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