i just google imaged poop.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
