Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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