Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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