you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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