I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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