Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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