I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
