We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
