Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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