i already hear my dad disowning me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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