The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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