don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
