Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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