I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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