i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How external is "for external use only"?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
