Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
