whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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