You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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